Penguin Terrorist Attacks: Seen LIVE on TV.

Could it be?

Penguins do breathe fire when hungry, that's true, but they have now mastered the art of freezing their oponents into ice, which would lead to human fossiles all over again, as in the ice age. Scientists believe that, even back then, penguins were a horrible terror for the people living in the ice age. Back then, no one knew the power of kiwis, and fire extingishers were not yet invented, as you know. They were forced to use ice and snow to put out penguin fires, but the penguins were still unstoppable when angry. Now, however, we are more equipped, but spread the word, penguins may soon strike the world like never before. Remember, keep kiwis and fire extingishers near at all times. (Fire extingishers are availible in pink, rainbow, and zebra striped.) An all-kiwi diet, and also kiwi-scented-perfume, soap, lotion, and face masks are highly recommended. These are all currently available at the store nearest you. Remember--stay safe, and always be on the lookout.

Come back soon for more news and advice about Penguin Safety Awareness. Have a nice day.

A Frightening Idea

So far, all of the penguin attacks have been found to be in Antarctica. We know that the penguins are already terrorizing Antarcticans. But last Tuesday, we began getting letters from people in the US and UK who spotted penguin tracks. Missing Koalas, kiwi trees burned down, penguin tracks nearby, what could this mean? Could the penguins be beginning to take over the rest of the world? They're certainly being stealthy about it.

If you find any traces of penguin tracks, or any suspicious thefts, please contact us with the news.

Check back soon for penguin sightings, danger areas, and more!

Penguin Safety Checklist.

How to know if you're prepared for the Penguinocalypse:

-Are you on an all-kiwi diet?
-Do you know of a safe hiding place for all of your koalas?
-Do you own a fire extinguisher?
-Are you well educated in SDAP (Self Defense Against Penguins)?
-Do you have a penguin burglar alarm installed in your house?



If you answered no to any of these questions, then you are not prepared for the Penguinocalypse. The penguins will eat you. If you answered yes to all of these, you may have a chance of surviving the Penguinocalypse without losing too many limbs.

Penguin Safety Awareness.

Penguin's have been recently discovered to be extremely deadly to the human race. Ignore their fuzziness and little tuxedos, Penguins are nearly unstoppable, and when hungry, can breath fire. We must take action, and spread awareness about the coming penguinocalypse, for there are ways to evade penguins, and perhaps live a bit longer.

Recently, we asked our followers to reshare something on Google Buzz, and the results were:

71% had already been eaten by penguins, and therefor wouldn't reshare.
28% were hiding in their showers with fire extinguishers waiting for the coming penguinocalypse.*
3% couldn't do math,
and 1% were smart and reshared.

*Smart penguin tip: Always keep a fire extinguisher at hand. They are available in packs of four, six and eight, with the color options of pink, blue and psychedelic rainbow with peace signs.


This poll shows us that the Penguinocalypse may be closer than we think. Scientists were predicting back in May that it would happen sometime in Summer, 2013, but they are realizing now that it may be as close as March 2013 (assuming we all survive 2012, of course. But if you ask me, the Penguinocalypse is much more pressing than the end of the world).

Check back soon for more Penguin Safety Tips!